The ugly, the bad and the good

Some sentences leave you gasping for breath.

Try reading aloud this extract from the minutes of a recent meeting of West Lindsey District Council, for example:

The Support Services Manager submitted Report 213 advising of progress made in respect of the key tasks which must be addressed by the Council and the guidelines as to when they need to be completed in order that the requirements to introduce Best Value can be met.

If you’re anything like us, you will have to read it several times to understand what it’s trying to say.

The sentence is too long and would be much clearer written as two separate sentences:

The Support Service Manager submitted Report 213 advising of progress made in respect of the key tasks which must be addressed by the Council. It also explains the guidelines as to when the tasks need to be completed in order that the requirements to introduce Best Value can be met.

This makes it clearer. But there are still too many redundant words: in respect of; as to when; in order that.

And a few passive verbs that make the sentence clumsy and less easy to understand: must be addressed; need to be completed; can be met.

A well-placed comma might help too.

So let’s try again:

The Support Service Manager submitted Report 213, outlining the Council’s progress on key tasks. The Council must address these tasks within the time guidelines in order to introduce Best Value.

OK so it’s not a sentence that’s going to set the world on fire. But at least it’s quick and easy to read.